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Av Fanny - 23 februari 2020 00:55

I just want to put it out there that this post will be about a little more private part of my life. There has just been some things that has been bothering me for months now and feel like I need to talk about it.


The first thing you need to know is that I'm still pregnant and my water can break any time soon now.

The second thing is that me and my baby's father have been trying to move in together for 3 months now but we're still not even finished with the moving.

The third thing is that the baby's father and I are not together as couple. 


So now on to the things I want to say. Sorry it will be in swedish but you can always translate this site with the button on the side. Det som stör mig är relationen med mitt barns pappa. Dessa 3 månader med att försöka flytta in tillsammans i en lägenhet har fått mig att inse massa och mycket negativt. Jag och mitt barns pappa passar verkligen inte ihop, vi har så svårt att kommunicera och samarbeta ihop. Det känns som jag pratar med ett envist och trångsynt barn när jag pratar med honom. Det känns som det är ingen idé att jag öppnar min mun längre för vi kommer inte komma överens för vi tycker för olika om exakt allt. Vi har ett barn som är på väg och vi har inte ens ett färdigt boende eller namn till barnet. Jag arbetar så hårt för detta barn och att hon ska få det bra men det känns som jag gör allt arbete själv. Jag har försökt att göra ett fint hem för våran dotter och det känns som det blir hela tiden saboterat. Jag har nyss avslutat möblera och dekorera klart köket. Jag var så stolt och nöjd med köket som jag hade fixat. Jag har spenderat så mycket tid, energi och pengar på detta kök för att göra det hemtrevligt och sen förstörde barnets pappa köket med en mörk lampa som inte passar in. Mitt arbete har gått helt till spillo. Ursprungligen var köket ett väldigt mörkt trist kök och mitt arbete har bestått av att ljusa upp köket så mycket som möjligt med vita och färgade saker. Det känns som han pissar på mig och mitt arbete. Det finns ett helt vardagsrum som han kan förstöra med sin inredningssmak men köket kan va få vara fint och ljust tycker jag. Vad är vackrast? Ett mörkt kök eller ett ljust kök? 

Av Fanny - 19 november 2019 13:26

Something really shocking and scary happened today. I haven't written anything in a while because there's too many things going on in my life right now. I'm just not in a good state. I have just so many things I can't handle, everybody is in a demand of me and pulling me. I feel like I'm about to break. Somehow in this chaos I'm supposed to take care of myself and I can't. I just want to pack my bags and run away, have vacation or something because I can't focus on anything right now. Anyways I reacted to my phone buzzing and I pick it up and saw this:   

Of course this is Swedish but it said "Mom, I love you". I started to honestly cry. My phone had picked up some kind of voice and formed it to this. I'm like all alone and the tv isn't even on, I don't know how this is possible. 

Av Fanny - 28 oktober 2019 23:52

I saw a brittish documentary today about moms who get Ill after childbirth. It was a really interesting documentary but at the same time sad and scary. Luckily UK have special clinics for those moms and children so they could "re-treat or restart" their motherhood after the postpartum/trauma. I know very well about PND and that it's pretty common but I have never taken it so serious until now. I know that you can get a little bit depressed and so on after giving birth but not that moms can get so ill so they commit suicide and develope different disorders. I feel like why isn't anybody talking about this (mental illness and childbirth)? This documentary was news for me. I feel a bit uneasy about it and start wonder how my country handles those moms in my country. I can just assume a lot of things but I'm 100% sure my country isn't as fancy as UK is who has special clinics. What if I got sick, what would happen then to me and my baby? That thought is just a really scary and hunting.. 


 

Av Fanny - 8 oktober 2019 22:29

I went on my last ultrasound last week to see if everything was going well and to found out the gender. My sister had a little party for me and my family, a gender reveal party. We had some cake, a beautiful cake that my sister had made. The last week me and my mom was betting on which gender the baby was and we both guessed it was going to be a boy. The gender reveal said it was going to be a girl!  I was so happy so I cried when I found out. I think everyone was surprised and happy. I can officially say I'm going to have a precious little princess for spring. Ultrasound was a lot of fun too, she is just hilarious. One second she was a yoga teacher and the next second she posed the typical "drama" pose with the hand on her forehead. I don't know anymore what kind of girl I'm expecting, a drama queen or maybe a comedian or a yoga teacher. She's still a very shy person since the last ultrasound, she is always hiding her nose for us. 


   

Av Fanny - 25 september 2019 23:38

I have talked a lot about my life recently and I kinda want make a little break from it and talk about online shopping. I think everybody knows about Wish (that huge Chinese wholesale site for western people) but I don't think everybody knows about Taobao (also a huge Chinese wholesale site but for Chinese people). I personally love Taobao, they sell good quality things (store quality things) for cheap prices. I believe that Wish is the place where the bad quality products are re-tried to be sold, those shitty things Chinese people would never buy themself. I also believe that the people behind wish knows very well what they are doing, that are selling trash nobody wants with a standard Chinese price tag on it. They must believe that western people are really dumb and stupid..Here we are buying stuff from them believing that we are making great deals when the fact is that we're buying their trash nobody wanted back in China.


   

Av Fanny - 17 september 2019 22:47

I can officially say that I have found this pregnancy's craving. I crave apples, not just any regular apple, green apples.Who could believe it, green apple? *Pff* I hate normally green apples. You become a such strange person when you're pregnant. My last pregnancy I was craving kitchen sponges, I just wanted to touch and eat them. I love everything with apples to do. I love the smell of apples and I love the taste of green apples. Apple cider, apple shower yel, apple gum, apple this and apple that. This monday I was at work meeting and we the whole team had dinner together at a restuarant. I asked for an alcohol free drink for my meal and I got a cider. I drinked it of course without any thoughts because the cider bottle said it was unalcoholic but later on I saw a small text under that and it said 0,5% alcohol. I got so confused, is it an alcohol free cider or not? I'm so mad because it's still 0,5% alcohol and it goes directly to my baby. I kinda want to call the company and ask them to take away the label unalcoholic cider (when it's not) from their cider. I want to protect other pregnant ladies out there accidentally drinking it, even thou it's just 0,5%.   

Av Fanny - 7 september 2019 17:47

Jag vet inte ens vilken vecka jag är i nu men jag tror jag är i vecka 16+1. Ni vet dom flesta tar ju helkropps selfie på sig själva när dom är med barn så jag prova jag med. Jag tänkte det kunde va en rolig grej men jag känner mig helt knäckt efter det. Jag känner mig så fet efter att ha sett bilderna så jag vill bara gråta. Jag känner mig så oroligt fet så jag kan ej säga om jag är fet som i fet eller om jag är gravid fet. Jag kolla på pinterest och instagram på tjejer som är lika gångna som jag och dom flesta är ju mindre än mig. Det gjorde inte saken bättre, tänk om jag är tjock? Jag vet att jag kan räknas som mullig men inte fet!? Jag hitta en sida som var min tröst och kunde bara öppna upp sanningen att alla graviditeter är olika. Jag visste redan om det men jag behövde en påminnelse om det ändå. Jag har vart gravid 2 gånger nu så det kan bero på det och det är därför magen är mer välformad. Sidan visa bilder på alla sorters magar och hur dom kan se ut och det var tröstande på något sätt.


   


I saw this on pinterest and it made me really angry. It was on a crying baby (a baby crying for closeness and attention) who got placed at fake chest made of fabric. I dont think it is fair. Why should people have fake chests for babies to lay down at for comfort? This is maybe something for singles moms but not for normal parents. Parents should work together so this shouldn't even be needed.   

Av Fanny - 23 augusti 2019 22:36

I don't even remember which week I'm in. I'm quite busy, I got the job I talked about a few weeks ago. I have been working there soon 3 weeks. I would badly enough say I don't like the place, many of the employees is just nasty. There was a day I locked myself in the bathroom and cried because there was this girl who was at me all time. I'm working almost every single day, I would say I work shift so night,morning and afternoon. The mornings are the baddest because of my morning sickness. I ended my shift during the late evening today so I came out to just a lot cars waiting on their late meal. It made thinking how much fun everybody is having tonight, enjoying their self. I would be fun if I could also stay out late, take a soda in some bar and have some good company. I could but I'm just too tired which makes me a little bit sad, maybe some day. 


I made an ultrasound this week too and oh my I can't believe that my baby is growing so fast. I remember when he/she was just a little bubble on the screen and NOW he's/she's small human being with a nose and arms and legs. A fun thing to add is that I believe our little baby won't get either my or the father's nose. What I was seeing on the ultrasound was a sharp pointy nose, not a big or small curvy nose like the parents. I want to really know the gender now, everyone in the family is believing differently. I wish for a girl but my mouth keeps just spitting out he and him. I want a girly girl who likes to cook, being princess or play with horses or barbie. I don't want another son who likes super heros, Lego and car things, stuff I dont understand.


 

Me with the ultrasound (Laugh) 

Presentation


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