Recently I felt some butterflies in my stomach on the bus. Do you ever picture different scenarios in your head whenever you're bored? I do it pretty frequently sometimes. You kinda wish those scenarios would come true. I think I'm a pretty romantic person in my head but then I wake up and realize life isn't like that. Life isn't all about emotional cries and passionate love. Of course reality isn't like that but we can still be optimistic about love. Whenever I think of it I feel weak and get butterflies all over. Those things are never going to happen and it makes you want to sight at it. It's nothing strange I'm just a human who has instincts and needs like everybody else. Everybody wants attention and affection and satisfied lust sometime. Some people can walk longer without any of it and some other people not. My limit is a little bit short like 6 month or so. After six months I start to have weird feelings and dreams about it that will just lead to frustration. I kinda at that point now, I feel lonely even though I have people around me. It's maybe because I'm young or it is just apart of who I am. 

I don't when it was the last time I posted about tattoo pics last time. I love tattoos so I don't why I haven't. I have a little Tattoo wish list but these are just inspiration or tattoos I admire. No copying okay? I love the Haunt me tattoo and the tarot cards tattoos, just amazing. 

• Halloween/ Bat                                                                                  
• Sea theme                                                                                                  
• Disney                                                                         
• Crystals and other cult things                                                                                                  

It all started when I was a little girl, around 5 years old. My dad bought me a dvd movie, I know the brick tapes very well tho. The movie was called Spirited away, I was mostly blown away by the details in the movie and the relation between Haku and Chihiro (zen). I even had fantasies about them and how Chihiro wouldn't leave Haku and the world. That movie became one of my favorite movies, it bringed so much feelings and inspiration. Shortly after more Miazaki movies came out in my language, my father encourage me rent the movies at our city's bigger library. I didn't only rent them once or twice.I saw Howl's moving castle, gedo senki and maybe kikkis express and Laputa. If it wouldn't for my father I would maybe not be knowing about Japan. After school 2 new tv programs came out at the children's channel, Sakura Cardcaptor and Kaleido star. I enjoyed them both. I did never see Sailor moon as a child like everybody else seems to have. 

After a big break from the tv programs and Miyazaki. I was Spirited away once more when I was 16 years old and wondered where the movie came from... I searched it up at google and found it was a Japanese movie and the same with the tv programs I saw when I was younger. The pussle came together. I thought Japan was apart of China until I got 16. For me Japan looked like a dream or like a movie, it couldn't well be that beautiful. I got more interested into movies and tv programs that look similar to what I have seen. I saw Wolf Children and Death Note..After all those animes and time I started to get bored anime and I got more picky. I wanted pure mature Romance (not the harlem romance with 10 girls) or fantasy, preferably both. My favorites until today is Nana, Tokyo Ghouls (1 & 2 season), Diabolik lovers. Today I barely watch any animes so far it isn't something that suits my needs.Instead I like watch Asian dramas and comedies, not only Japanese dramas and comedies.

But back to the subject. At the same time I started watch animes I searched more on the google about this odd country. How do the people look like? What kind of food do they eat? How do the streets look like? What do they wear?... With a little bit of google searching and reading. I decided I wanted to talk to a Japanese person. I signed up at "meeting people" site, there was a bunch of people. At this site I found my Japanese ex and he came into my life. I think I was 16 or 17 when I firstly started to talk so him, I was very young. There was a few j-vloggers to like Rachel and Jun, Taylor R and Abroad in Japan, they kinda learned me a few things to. When I got 18 I traveled there for 2 weeks, I experinced so many things during my all stays and I feel very at home there I must say. 

I haven't been really active lately of many reasons. Yesterday I cried, not because I was sad but I was really happy. This year have been a real stuggle for me, many downs. I just got somthing really heavy off my chest and finally I don't need to worry about it for a while. I don't know if I can speak about it so openly because people yk. 

Yesterday I started to be afraid of my life, because before I didn't care at all about death and my health. Now suddenly I can be a normal person and do normal stuff, I can go shopping, go to a cafe, travel and more.. And now everything matters because I can live freely and do whatever want to do, almost.

I almost scream of excitement on the inside. You guys guess who can finally buy herself a new phone!? Of course not a super expensive one but still I can buy myself a functioning phone! Guess who does not need to wear her summer shoes for winter this year!? Me! I feel so happy, I can almost cry again. My economy has been shit this year, I have been getting so wrinkles because of my economy. I don't want to tell where the money is coming from but I can promise it's not from prostitution or drug dealing.

I can't say "I'm a millionaire baby" but I can say I can go traveling again, IF I hold on to my money and don't throw it at "I want but I don't need" things. If I may I want to go back to my second home once again before OS in Japan. I want to go there already in December but I should not have my hopes high because things can happen. I wish to visit my friend again and his family in Japan, they are always so nice towards me. I want to eat nice breakfast at the combi store again and go for long walks afterwards. 

If I would back to Japan I think I would have bad conscience because I feel one of my family members are really against everthing that has to do with Japan. It really unlike her/he because this person was the first person who pepped me to go to Japan in 2016. This person was the person who really realized how I felt truly on the inside. For this person Japan is not worth the time or money anymore, for he/her the best would be that I spent my money and time on something else. I'll probably never live in Japan but for me traveling there once a year is totally worth so I just could have a break from my life in Sweden.          

(ALL THE PHOTOS IS MINE, IF YOU WANT TO USE ANY OF THEM, ASK!) 

I just came home, a day full with meetings. It felt kinda good to be that busy and thinking about everything else than yesterday. I'm still a little bit sad about it, but that's life. 

I just read some intressting comments that made me wonder if there are any "nice" guys out there? What do you think? I want to believe that they exist, no guy is perfect like barbie Ken. Just look at my father as an example. My father is an good example of a "nice" guy. My father is generous, good hearted,handy and helpful but also naive. I don't think I would never fall in love with a "nice" guy like my father. I have never been attracted to those guys anyways. 

I'm kinda that girlfriend that dadicates her life around her boyfriend's life.. if that makes any sense. If my boyfriend is happy, I'm happy. When I give my life to someone I want to be at least treated with respect and faithfulness.I

don't mind a guy controlling my life. I don't care about the obsessive type so far it dosn't go that far as being in danger or I can't do what I normally do. 

Jag vet att jag är typ väldigt sen med The Nun. Jag såg faktiskt den första dagen den kom ut, alltså på premiären. Den var otäck, jag titta bort 60% av hela filmen. Det var en besvikelse för jag trodde att den skulle handla om något helt annat för trailern gav en helt annan impression av filmen. Jag trodde att Lorraine och Ed skulle va dom stora huvudpersonerna och rädda dagen i filmen, men de var dom inte. Jag tror dock att The nun kommer nog var en stor utklädnads val för Halloween detta år. The nun är för otäck karaktär, hon når top listan. Jag hoppas att vi kommer får se mer av The nun i framtiden då Lorraine och Ed är med.