I haven't been really active lately of many reasons. Yesterday I cried, not because I was sad but I was really happy. This year have been a real stuggle for me, many downs. I just got somthing really heavy off my chest and finally I don't need to worry about it for a while. I don't know if I can speak about it so openly because people yk. 

Yesterday I started to be afraid of my life, because before I didn't care at all about death and my health. Now suddenly I can be a normal person and do normal stuff, I can go shopping, go to a cafe, travel and more.. And now everything matters because I can live freely and do whatever want to do, almost.

I almost scream of excitement on the inside. You guys guess who can finally buy herself a new phone!? Of course not a super expensive one but still I can buy myself a functioning phone! Guess who does not need to wear her summer shoes for winter this year!? Me! I feel so happy, I can almost cry again. My economy has been shit this year, I have been getting so wrinkles because of my economy. I don't want to tell where the money is coming from but I can promise it's not from prostitution or drug dealing.

I can't say "I'm a millionaire baby" but I can say I can go traveling again, IF I hold on to my money and don't throw it at "I want but I don't need" things. If I may I want to go back to my second home once again before OS in Japan. I want to go there already in December but I should not have my hopes high because things can happen. I wish to visit my friend again and his family in Japan, they are always so nice towards me. I want to eat nice breakfast at the combi store again and go for long walks afterwards. 

If I would back to Japan I think I would have bad conscience because I feel one of my family members are really against everthing that has to do with Japan. It really unlike her/he because this person was the first person who pepped me to go to Japan in 2016. This person was the person who really realized how I felt truly on the inside. For this person Japan is not worth the time or money anymore, for he/her the best would be that I spent my money and time on something else. I'll probably never live in Japan but for me traveling there once a year is totally worth so I just could have a break from my life in Sweden.          

(ALL THE PHOTOS IS MINE, IF YOU WANT TO USE ANY OF THEM, ASK!)