This past 2 weeks have been sort of odd, a lot of things have happened, good and bad. I have spended some days with the guy I'm "dating" last week, mostly at my place. It was fun and crazy, I had anyways a good time. He remind me of the song "Not in love" with crystal castles. I'm happy that I'm alive and be able to meet a such fascinating person, giving me new memories and impressions, maybe changing me even or at least the way I see. He kinda makes me want to "ta tag i" or improve my life, not just for him but for myself. I'm going to search for that apartment I searching for a couple years back before I cancelled that dream. Get that psychiatric help that for those things that are suffering my life making me want to die. That thing that kills me within, leaving me frustrated and restless and hopeless. I rarely talk openly about my mind ghosts and my mind's health, I feel really ashamed and lost hope even though I shouldn't. My anxiety is now 10 years old, it has just been worse with the years. When you think that it cannot get any worse..life hits you with a big surprise and a sadistic smile. I think I have talked the guy about my problems but we have just talked very easy and not so complicated about it. It's the only thing left that I have hidden from him or not told the whole truth about. I'm just not ready to talk about it yet, it's a tough subject. One thing that is good is that I don't feel my anxiety when I'm around him, I can feel a little bit anxious or nervous but his touch and calm speaking makes it disappear pretty quick. Maybe it's because I feel safe around him and I trust him. I'm probably a little bit of burden being in his face maybe a little bit too much sometimes and pushing my moods on him. I have gotten mad a few times at him, maybe leaving him hurted. I hope some things can be accepted and some other smaller things forgiven and forgotten. I'm mostly a soft and patient person but sometimes I wear my spikes on.

When I think about us I think him as cat/dog and me as rabbit.